If our "5 Year Plan" would have gone according to plan without a glitch, we would have a Star Wars loving little mini-Jay running around the house and a mini- me on the way. But for reasons that I'm learning to trust, God has allowed this to be a part of our life.
Through this, I'm learning so many things about myself, about Jay, and more importantly, so much about God. When our Plan A's don't work, Plan B's come into play. One thing about them, they almost always give us an opportunity to stretch and draw closer to God. They give us an opportunity to surrender our illusion of control and trust the only One worthy.
This past week, several people have reached out and shared their own infertility issues and struggles. It's been so encouraging to us and in an attempt to return the favor, I wanted to share some of those things I've learned, am learning, and am RE-learning in hopes of encouraging you.
1. He can handle my doubt.
This struggle has shaken my faith and brought to the surface doubt I never dreamed I could have. I didn't even realize how bitter I was becoming until I started to scoff under my breath when people would tell me not to worry, 'God would answer our prayers soon enough.' Once I started getting real with God in my quiet time about my anger and bitterness towards Him, I started to feel a little more whole. He's a big God, He can handle it.
2. He has a plan even when I can't see it. He's working even when I don't feel it.
This is one I have to re-learn regularly. I do really great on some days trusting this truth, then on others it's like I've never known this reality. I remind myself though that if I had been at the cross on the day Christ was crucified, I would have said it was the worst thing that could have ever happened. I would have said it was over. On that Saturday I would have had doubt, questions, felt bitter and hopeless. But that Saturday, God was preparing to do His best work yet! That Saturday was the day God was forming a resurrection! We serve a God who specializes in resurrections- He conquered death, the ultimate hopeless situation. Our infertility looks much smaller in comparison to the cross. (I don't know about you- but that pumps me up!!!)
3. He is more concerned with our hearts than our happiness.
This isn't what we planned. This is not how I assumed God would have answered our desire for a family. But God is at work; even though I can't see it in our circumstances, I can see it in my heart.
"God is more interested in your character than your comfort."- Rick Warren
I've prayed for years for a deeper more intimate relationship with God; I believe through this chapter in our life, He's answering that prayer.
4. He is Great. He is Good.
I rehearse this to myself all the time. Not only does God have the entire world in His hands, not only are His ways so much higher than my ways, not only is He with me, but He is good. He loves me. He wants what is best for me. When His greatness seems unfair, I can trust that His goodness is perfect. I've had to learn to put my faith is in who God is, not what He does. Is He enough for me if He never gives us a child? Is God enough for you if He never _________ (Fill in Your Blank.) Is He enough?
Yesterday at my church we sang one of my favorite songs that speaks to this truth. Take a few minutes and check this out...
Next week I'll share a few more things God is teaching me. Until then, this is my prayer for myself as well as those of you who are going through some of your own "Plan B's"
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. - James 1:2-4 (The Message)